Billy the Book Scout

Thanks to Susan Halas for posting this wonderful poem on a booklist I follow. The poem, by Robert Schrader, apparently won this year's, "book related poetry contest" (I must admit, I knew nothing of this, thus my day is hugely improved). I offer it, as posted, for your enjoyment:
Billy the Book Scout

PART 1

Billy the book scout was standing in line
At the downtown library sale.
His clothes were tattered, his eyes were glazed,
And his face was haggard and pale.

His oversize coffee cup shook in his hand,
And his eyes had a desperate look.
It had been too many days and too many sales
Since he'd found a valuable book.

"Fine day for a book sale", says a voice from behind,
And Billy turns around to see
A tall dapper fellow, dressed all in black,
With a cape swirling down to his knees.

His eyes are black and piercing,
And his skin has a reddish glow,
And Billy can see the tip of his tail
Curling down around his toes.

"What the devil is this?" Billy asks,
In a voice both lonesome and sad.
"I'd heard anyone could scout books now,
But I didn't know it had gotten this bad!"

"I'm not here for books." the devil replies,
Grinning in Billy's direction.
"But I am scouting, just like you,
For something to improve my collection."

"I need not deal with you," says Billy,
"And risk forever in hell.
I'm a professional scout, you see.
I always find something to sell!"

"Then you can't possibly lose," says the Devil,
"For those are the terms of my deal.
I'm willing to bet a million in cash
That you can't at this library sale."

And Billy thinks of the overdue bills,
And the tires that are going bald.
He thinks of the roof that needs repair,
And the rent that is due on his stall.

"Just one salable book?" says Billy.
"Sold to anyone at all?
For any price," the devil says,
"So, you gonna call?"

Then Billy's coffee shakes even harder,
As he starts thinking through it.
And the Devil says "Ten million, then!"
And Billy says "I'll do it!"

So one and a half hours later
When the sale is about to begin,
Billy has bribed his way to the front
So he'll be the first one in.

He's called in a favor from one book scout,
And given another a loan.
He's promised money he doesn't yet have,
And books that he doesn't yet own.

And when the door finally opens
His eys go wide with fright.
And his mouth hangs slack in shock,
For there is not a book in sight.

There are empty tables and empty shelves
Everywhere that he looks.
And Billy then screams aloud:
"What happened to all the books?"

The little old lady running the sale
Smiles in sweet condescension,
And begins to explain where the books went,
To Billy's growing apprehension.

"The library get some titles," she says,
"If there's not one now on the shelves.
And the friends who collect donations
Get to keep one or two for themselves."

"And we help stock other libraries
Whenever we get the chance.
The gentleman standing behind you
Took a lot for his local branch."

"And we give a few to the manager
Of the local home for the blind.
We're not quite sure what he does with them,
But he's oh so sweet and kind."

"A box or two for the local Boy Scouts
Will encourage them to read.
And we give a few to the janitor
'Cause he keeps our place so clean."

"And the people who set up tables
Take a handful when they go.
And I took the last book myself,
Just a few minutes ago."

"We surely hope you'll understand
The needs of our situation.
For we're doing it all for charity here.
Would you care to make a donation?"

Billy stares at the empty tables,
As he searches for something to say.
Then the devil claps a hand on his shoulder
And says "You're coming with metoday!"

PART 2

Many years have passed in hell,
When the devil descends to the pit,
And he comes to visit Billy,
Where he's roasting on a spit.

"Good morning, Billy," the devil says,
As he watches him slowly spin.
"I'm arranging another deal
That you might be interested in."

"I and all my imps and fiends,
Well, we get bored, you know.
So we're going to have a bit of fun,
And you're the star of the show."

"We're having library sale," he says,
"I'm going give you another turn."
"Another crooked deal?" sneers Billy.
"Go away and let me burn!"

"It's ok with me," says the devil,
"If you want to stay here and cook.
But this will be a better sale:
It's going to have some books!"

"Forget about me," growls Billy,
"I'm still not going to play.
For I hear that hell's main branch
Suffered arson yesterday."

"Ah, yes," the devil sighs,
"The rumors are true, I fear.
Burning books is an old tradition,
And it happens a lot down here."

"But just to get your blood a-boiling
I'll tell you what it's worth.
If you can find a salable book
You get to go back to earth."

"So I get to search through ashes
For something I can sell?
I'll give you one thing," Billy says,
"You know how to run a hell."

"But for a chance to live again,
I'll try it one more time."
So the devil slides him off his skewer
And he takes his place in line.

And while he's waiting for the sale to start
He peeks through a window to see:
The devil is scanning every book
And giggling with glee.

"Look at me!" the devil chortles,
"I'm a book-pricing fool!
I'm living proof that scanners are
Truly the devil's tool!"

Book by book he scans them all,
Checking each one on the net.
And the pitiful few that he leaves behind
Are as damned as books can get.

They all are burnt, they all are torn,
They all are as common as sin.
Then the devil opens the door and says
"Let the sale begin!"

PART 3

When the ashes have finally settled,
And the sale is over and done,
The devil scans the crowd and asks,
"Did someone find him one?"

Billy raises a book aloft, and says,
"I believe I'll win the bet."
But the devil laughs and then replies,
"I checked that book on the net."

"There are ninety-three copies at a penny apiece
For sale by your competition.
And most of those, being unburnt,
Might be in better condition."

"An amateur like you?" says Billy,
I'm a pro - I've been around."
Then the devil smiles and says,
"So read us what you found."

All of the page are chipped and charred,
And the covers are burnt and split.
But Billy opens to the free endpaper,
And begins to read from it.

It's a simple inscription from a woman at home
To her true love who's far away.
She tells him how much she misses him,
And thinks of him every day.

She tells him of the neighbor's news,
And the details of daily life.
She tells him he's a wonderful husband,
And how she loves to be his wife.

She tells him of the flowers she's planted,
And how the childen are doing in school.
And as the devil listens to Billy read,
He realizes that he's been fooled.

For a crowd of the damned is gathering 'round
And they're hanging on every word.
And hope is showing in their faces
Inspired by what they've heard.

And the imps have ceased their torturing,
They've laid down their whips and their chains.
The fiends have stopped to listen too,
And they're failing to fan the flames.

Then a demon pulls out a hankie
To catch the tears that start,
And the devil begins to realize
That hell is coming apart.

"That's enough!!" he screams in terror.
And hell trembles with his wrath.
But Billy just stares back at him,
And then begins to laugh.

"The devil's word is no good?" gloats Billy,
"I can't believe that's true.
You invited me to read from this,
And that's what I'm gonna do."

"Unless, of course, you'd like to buy
This little book from me.
Then I'd have found a salable book,
And you would have to set me free."

The devil scans the nine levels of hell.
And he sees not a soul in pain.
And he knows he's the one who's doomed
If Billy starts reading again.

"Ok, you're going back!" the devil scoffs.
"You sold a book - you win!"
He throws some bills in Billy's face
And grabs the book from him.

"But as a parting gift to you,
I give you this lifelong curse:
You may sell a million books,
But you'll never get paid what they're worth."

"Getting underpaid forever?" says Billy.
"That was never mine to lose.
I'm a professional scout, you know;
I'm used to that kind of dues."

Then POOF!! Billy is back on earth,
Beneath a yellow sun in a cool blue sky.
The devil's money is warm in his pocket,
And he starts looking for books to buy.

So Billy returns to scouting,
The devil's money is his starting seed.
And the devil now owns a book
That he is afraid to read.


EPILOG

So if you meet an old book scout
Whose condition is less than fine,
And he tells you that he's been through hell,
Please give him a cut in line.